Carl Creasman's passion for communicating and challenging people to live well has taken him from his rural Tennessee hometown to speaking events across the country and around the world.
Carl's unique insights are informed by his experiences as an author, historian, pastor, and life coach.
Ever found yourself watching a movie that you didn’t want to see, but then being drawn into the power of the story? I had that experience with two films that dealt with similar issues—Flashbacks of a Fool starring Daniel Craig (fresh off his first James Bond success) and Seven Pounds with Will Smith.
I watched Flashbacks while on flight home from Europe; it looked weird, but eventually I got bored so I did watch. While initially put off (mostly because I didn’t really want to watch), I was eventually able to notice what was happening—a glorious story about the legacy of guilt, forgiveness and grace.
Few months later, finally saw Seven Pounds and recognized the same sort of story. A man with a guilty past determines to do something about it to find forgiveness.
I don’t want to give either movie away, but urge you to watch both, especially Flashbacks. It is a unique, somewhat quirky movie; it is fully a British-made movie, so perhaps its “quirkiness” was only my own American tastes filtering through. By the end of it, I had seen at least three great points to consider:
–many people live with the guilt of something that they did. In both movies, really bad things happened, though in neither case were the lead characters truly guilty. Smith’s character makes a bad judgment call, but nothing worse than many of us have done. Craig’s character, even more tragically, is nothing more than a kid who gets betrayed by an adult, but he takes on the guilt. If you get nothing more from these movies, please realize that you will derail your own life by harboring too much guilt. If there needs to be real reconciliation, then get to it, but in all cases, you cannot go back and change what has happened. Look, I don’t mean to downplay that in many cases, you should feel bad about something that happened. You should feel guilty, but deal with it in the best way possible and work to bring reconciliation or restitution. Then, get on with living. Craig’s character literally destroys his life; it is a tragedy to watch (and well played by Craig). It is so sad; he ruins most of his adult life because he thinks he is so guilty for some heinous happening.
–forgiveness is so sweet. The Bible talks about this. We are told that as we forgive so shall we experience forgiveness. Forgiveness is like a long wonderful bath after days without; that cleansing feeling with the hot water, fresh as the grime rolls off our bodies. We need this for our souls; we need to offer this to others. In both movies, the most touching point of the movie is to see the lead characters finally start to find a sense of forgiveness. Craig’s character finally is forced to confront old friends, though one is now deceased. He expects to be judged, hated, confronted over the past, yet instead, he warmly experiences forgiveness. That act by his friends finally allows himself to forgive himself, to move past the guilt. At the end, we see his character finally living happy, free, clean after decades of unwashed filth had covered his soul.
–to offer forgiveness, we must walk in grace. Lots of times, my students are surprised that I give them grace on certain issues. I do have a “high bar” related to my class and carry high expectations for them, but in many situations, offering grace is the best thing for my students. When asked about it, I relate that I offer grace because I want to also receive grace when I make mistakes, which I make often. The sweet grace that Craig’s character receives from one of his old friends in turn allows him to return that grace towards her. In doing so, he provides some healing for her. She also had been carrying some degree of bitterness and guilt. She talked about being sad at the loss of the third childhood friend, who had also become her husband, but that she was unable to cry. Through the grace extended by Craig’s character, we see her start to weep.
Many times, people sabotage their own success journey through their reaction to poor choices. Before long, the days roll together and they find themselves years later, living a life built on a serious of bad choices made in some form of punishment to themselves. They feel guilty about something, refuse to accept forgiveness and soon become wrecks (like both Will Smith and Daniel Craig’s characters).
Don’t do that. Live Well by dealing with guilt when an issue comes. Express and accept forgiveness. Walk in grace.
If you do, then your flashbacks won’t be those of a fool, but rather flashbacks of grace.
My family spent a wonderful week on vacation in the mountains of Virginia. The time there was sweet, restful and quiet. This corner of Virginia is literally a few miles from North Carolina. To our great surprise and pleasure, the cabin of our friend was only 2 miles away from the cabin of our former pastor when we lived in Raleigh.
Even better, 21 years before, Kim and I had spent our first days of our honeymoon in that very cabin. So, while we got to find some rest and fun with our girls, we also had the privilege of spending time with our dear friends renewing that friendship that had blessed us so richly.
Pastor Tom and Martha Vestal had us over for two dinners, one lunch and an afternoon of shooting and riding. It was great fun. On Friday, as we enjoyed hanging out and just being together, Tom observed how our time was just as if we’d never been apart.
Do you have friends like that? I hope so. Those are the relationships that really make life worth living. But how does that happen? How do you end up in a relationship that, after not seeing each other for over a decade will still be as warm, supportive and encouraging as before?
You decide today to be that kind of person yourself. You take a clue from great leaders of the past who clearly understood that a champion invests in others. You take the time to put yourself with people who will support you.
Take the time to build strong relationships now and they will last a lifetime, even if you find yourself separated for some years. When you reconnect, you’ll just take off right from where you last left off. And, trust me, it’s a great feeling.
There is nothing more difficult in the world that personal relationships. It is no surprise that this section received among the most questions from college students. Humans were created for relationships and yet even with that in mind, the struggle to have good, deep relationships remains as elusive as ever. We need to know that we are not alone. We desire to be known deeply, yet it is hard.
Tom Hanks’ movie Castaway struck at this point deeply. As they demonstrated the difficulty in acquiring the necessary things for human survival, they brought in a fifth element—relationship. On the DVD extras, there was an interview with the survival expert who praised the writers for including this “extra need,” relationship, into the equation with the character of “Wilson.” He said that for a human to survive, we must have connection to stay alive. It certainly worked for Hanks’ character in the movie and the depth of the relationship is at the end of the movie, when he loses the volleyball on the high seas and is so distraught over the “death” of his friend.
Yet, even with this deep need, having a solid relationship is very hard. The “why” of that fact is not all that difficult to figure out. To start with we all are prideful beings. A human and an animal, particularly a dog, can get along great because at the root, only the human really knows pride. We also have this thing called “free will” and that often comes into conflict with another person’s own choices, own desires. It is also difficult because of fear. It does not take long in life to discover the pain of relationships and as young children, tears and fights easily come as we struggle to make it in the world.
Most people will adapt their own strategy for survival in relationships based out of this childhood experience. Face enough torment from peers and many will shut down, withdraw. Others will enjoy being the tormentor, so they adopt an aggressive attitude towards others. Some will find a protective strategy of wearing masks, being who others want them to be. Still some will use comedy as a mask and a protective wall.
Now raising three children and having worked with people for about 30 years, I wonder how any of us actually reach a healthy inner relationship that allows for good friendships. For myself, this question was the most pressing. When I was 20, it became clear to me that I simply didn’t have any deep friendships. Oh, I have tons of “friends,” but people I could trust, those I could really count on? Few, if any.
Looking back, it was made clear to me that the problem was more me than others. I had a high, thick, protective wall built around my heart and I had great fear of others. I was so fearful of not being accepted, not liked, that I simply struggled to ever let my guard down. It took long talks and prayers with my sister, Tina, and my closest friends in college, Kyle Gatlin and Keith Pugh. Together, they started me on the road to the deepest friendships I have ever known. Both men are still instrumental in my life today and we speak often.
Real friendships that are deep DO MATTER. As Castaway showed and John Donne wrote about in the early 1600s, in his work Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII, no one can make it through life alone. We need one another. Our society now is in crisis, I believe, mostly on this point. We need community. We need connection, yet most of us do not have it. So, even if you’ve been burned before (and who hasn’t?), you keep working with a trust of others to allow for and build up strong relationships.
“No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.”
John Donne, Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII
As our girls have gotten older, we have started introducing them to some of our favorite movies. Recently, we rented Michael J Fox’s Back to the Future. Most of you know the film, so you understand it is a wonderful teen movie about life, bringing the concepts of being a teen yet being able to meet your own parents as teens.
The movie does a great job of showing the various foibles of the teen years and how, sometimes, we “forget” how we acted as a teen. We instruct our kids to do certain things (or avoid them) acting, all the while, as if we were saints as teens.
But, the journey of Fox’s character was not what caught my attention as I enjoyed the movie again with my daughters. What grabbed me was the life of his father, George McFly. As you enter the movie, we are presented with the adult George who is, at best, a nerdy, socially inept man who struggles to make his life work.
He is still bullied by others, mocked by his children and dismissed by his wife. Though in love at some earlier point in the marriage, clearly by the time of the start of the movie, his wife has deep regrets for every choosing George. Were this movie written in current times rather than in the early 80s, the couple would already be divorced, based on the looks, sounds and words of his wife. His son, Marty, played by Fox, is sadly embarrassed and disappointed in his dad.
After Marty ends up back in 1955, though, something interesting happens. Through the twists of the movie, George confronts and literally “knocks out” his main tormentor in a heroic scene involving the younger wife-to-be. It’s the kind of scene designed to bring a cheer from the audience.
The movie progresses forward then to its surprising end; not only does Marty successfully get home to 1985, but to his shock, he finds that George has radically changed. The stumbling goof at the start of the movie has transformed to a successful author happily in love with his wife. His new life has rubbed off on his wife who has kept in great shape and seems more alive than ever (unlike what we saw earlier). The other children are also shown to be people creating successful lives in the world.
Wow—all that from one act? Yes!!
On the cover of my book Success for Life, I wrote “a successful life is composed of the many small decisions where a choice is made between greatness and cutting corners, between valor and what is easy.” The movie of George McFly’s life demonstrates exactly what I was trying to say with words.
I often counsel people who are trying to find success and they seem to be waiting for some great single moment to “show up.” Meanwhile, they keep missing the smaller moments when they need to decide to be great, to be valorous, to be a true success. Maybe they miss the chance to stop their friends from gossiping; perhaps they have a chance to say no to cheating. Sometimes, its just as simple as deciding to be a pleasant person and give others in the office a genuine smile. These are the “many small decisions” that shape and define your life.
While they are wondering when the spotlight will come or their ship to come in, they are crafting a life like the early George McFly—full of regret, leaving a trail of mockery, poor choices and decisions lamented over. They sadly wonder why their kids don’t respect them; they are curious as to why they can’t hold a decent job. Perhaps they are trying to figure out where the spark of their love went in that marriage relationship.
In many cases, I can tell them that it didn’t happen in one moment, but rather in accepting a life that is far smaller than it should be. If they could go back, and have the encouragement that George got from his son who spent the time in 1955 telling his father than he should live boldly, these people I work with could perhaps find the same chance to actually stand strong, even in the face of opposition.
I know that those moments such as what George faced are scary, that it’s easier to bail, but you can do it. And don’t think that your situation is not as glamorous or as life-altering as George’s was. I promise you that your life IS built on those small decisions. And, people notice!!
Immediately after George stood his ground and chose to pursue greatness and valor, people were asking, “who’s that guy?” Others began to see something deeper in George than ever he saw; one schoolmate asked George to run for school class President. Remember, he was the same 17-year-old, somewhat goofy guy with a bad haircut. What was different? The way he carried himself and how he believed in himself. That popular and powerful person was there all along, but till that moment, he had been choosing a small life, a life of cutting corners and accepting the picture others were painting of him.
I want you to live your life boldly, to Live Well. To do that, you have to decide today to live a great life. No, you don’t have to punch out the bully, but you do have to decide to meet each moment of your life with greatness. If you do, then the next 30 years will end up in a life that you will embrace and be happy with. . .and your son won’t need to go back in time to help you change things.
struck at this point deeply. As they demonstrated the difficulty in acquiring the necessary things for human survival, they brought in a fifth element—relationship. On the DVD extras, there was an interview with the survival expert who praised the writers for including this “extra need,” relationship, into the equation with the character of “Wilson.” He said that for a human to survive, we must have connection to stay alive. It certainly worked for Hanks’ character in the movie and the depth of the relationship is at the end of the movie, when he loses the volleyball on the high seas and is so distraught over the “death” of his friend.
Most of you know the film, so you understand it is a wonderful teen movie about life, bringing the concepts of being a teen yet being able to meet your own parents as teens.