October 23, 2014 at 7:02 am, by Carl

Last month I wrote about the communication crisis. I wanted to add one more thing in my ongoing efforts to help you Live Well. Learn to listen first. Now, this is an old idea not unique to me, but in our ever-growing communication crisis, it needs restated.

 

Probably just like you, over the past few years, I’ve heard many people complaining about the growing tension that exists between various factions, especially politically. And certainly, I believe that growing tension is to be expected.

 

But, it’s tough when it lands in our own workplace, our neighborhood and even our own homes. When two people who work together all of a sudden can’t have a civil conversation, even on a controversial issue, then we do have a greater problem.

 

I won’t be naïve and suggest, “just get over it.” There isn’t a magic fix, especially if the tension emerges from the other person. But I will suggest that the path to Living Well even in that scenario starts with listening first. And that actually means something deeper.

 

To get there well, you have to be willing to actually entertain the reality that the other person has merit. Shocking, I know. Now, this is harder than it seems, especially on issues that you really, really have a deep opinion about. I mean, if you are arguing Mac vs PC, well, that’s not really something worth going there, right?

 

Even if you are working through possible solutions on a work issue, that’s not life threatening. Yet, on the deep issues that could come up regarding how a person feels about, say, human rights or liberty, that’s tougher. And when that connects to a work issue, well now you can’t just dodge it.

 

When you start with listening, with the novel idea that the other person has worth and merit, then you can at least move the discussion away from hyperbole and loud voices. As another human across from you with worth, they must be coming to their opinion for some reason. Honoring that fact, even if you deeply disagree with their position, is a mark of your own maturity. Give them space to explain it and don’t sit there listening only really mentally preparing your own brilliant retort. Listen. Let their thoughts have space. Smile. Be thoughtful.

 

Note, this is REALLY hard to do when the other person’s views are totally counter to your own. This is usually where the “Peace and Justice” crowd fail so totally, especially those who have drunk deep at the relativity thinking kool-aid stand. They will proclaim that they value all voices right up until the voice that is speaking is very intolerant in their words. The moment someone is speaking who deeply disagrees with some point of holy writ from the peace and justice crowd, well then that intolerant “hater” must be silenced.

 

Don’t be that blind, please. Rather than proclaiming some liberal view about tolerating all and yet doing all you can to silence voices you don’t agree with, be the mature person who listens first. Yes, it might mean you have to sit through a defense of a point of view you deeply dislike, but that is the path to true communication and the exchange of ideas.

 

Usually, that is the way to ensure you get heard too, and, especially as it relates to decisions that must be made at work, this will smooth the road to finding a solution that honors all views.