Twenty-three years. 23. Amazing.
Often, I get asked about how to have the devotion to complete a class, or what someone should do about a job that they are less than enamored by. There really isn’t a lot of magic in devotion. It’s just being willing to really let your word be good enough. You promise to do something, you agree to join some group, club, church or team…and then you do.
Twenty three years ago today, my lovely wife Kim walked down the aisle in a small church in Raleigh, NC to agree to be devoted to me for the rest of her life. I equally took a pledge to give her my full devotion, committed to her and her only for as long as God gave me life. Fulfilling that pledge is not a hard concept; each and every day, we acknowledge with our actions that we made a promise that we’ll keep to. Actually, by now, I don’t have to even think about it–I am pretty confident that she never has to think about it either.
Note, I am not suggesting that marriage is easy–it is not. I remind the many couples that marriage is hard work, probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Certainly, relationships in general are difficult, taking lots of compromise, the willingness to listen, and the acceptance that many times you won’t get your way, that you will be wrong. That’s hard for just about everyone.
But the decision to be devoted…that’s not so hard. You make a promise, you give your word. Done.
Our country used to be known for that kind of devotion. Businesses gave it to their employees and in return, employees gave their lives to the work. You saw devotion in sports where towns, and fans of certain teams, could know that for the most part, their favorite athlete would be a part of their team for a very long time. And yes, you saw it in marriage, where a man and a woman would make the promise to stay with one another.
I know the many reasons why some would argue that those days weren’t really so good, the reasons why people leave jobs or businesses lay off workers, why athletes leave their cities or sometimes, entire sports franchises jilt the city. I get it that not all marriages are “special,” that sometimes people chose to marry who might not have been the best fit together. And yes, there are those times when someone is abusive (usually a man towards a woman)…in those cases the abused mate should leave immediately.
But those reasons notwithstanding…on the whole, our country is much worse off because we gave up that historic American value of devotion. Now, when a college class gets tough, a student just withdraws. If the pregnancy seems too hard, we just abort the baby. If the relationships at the church or hobby or club get too difficult, we just bolt. We pursue our own concept of our own happiness, forgetting that losing our integrity by giving up the promise diminishes a person. In the end, maybe the person is more “happy,” though there are reasons to doubt that. And, all along, we forget how to actually push through to stay true to the task, to the promise, to the team.
Twenty-three years. Seems like just yesterday we stood before God and said “I do.” Time flies when you are having fun, and I have been so blessed to have this woman beside me–a woman of God, a woman who understands the devotion to a call. She knows how to live well, and my life is so much better because she is faithful.
I love you Kim!