Here’s more from Seth, this time on communication.
“One of us is wrong…
and it’s not me.”
That’s the way every single conflict begins. Of course it does, because if it didn’t, it wouldn’t be a conflict, would it?
So, given that the other person is sure you’re wrong, what are you going to do about it? Pointing out that they’re wrong doesn’t help, because now you’ve said the second thing in a row that your partner/customer/prospect/adversary doesn’t believe is true.
The thing that’s worth addressing has nothing much to do with the matter at hand, and everything to do with building credibility, attention and respect. Only then do you have a chance to educate and eventually persuade.
We cure disagreements by building a bridge of mutual respect first, a bridge that permits education or dialogue or learning. When you burn that bridge, you’ve ensured nothing but conflict.
A field guide to the Meeting Troll
The meeting troll is a common creature, one that morphs over time and is good at hiding (snaring you when it’s too late to avoid him.)
- The meeting troll has a neverending list of reasonable objections. It’s the length of the list that makes the objections unreasonable.
- The meeting troll never says ‘we’. It’s all about ‘you.’
- The meeting troll doesn’t actually want you to fail, but is establishing a trail so that if you do, he’s off the hook.
- Despite his protestations about how much he hates meetings, the meeting troll actually thrives on them, because, after all, this is the only place he gets to do his best work. The very best way to extinguish the meeting troll is to extinguish meetings. The second best way is to not invite him.
- A key giveway: The meeting troll will use the phrase, “devil’s advocate.” More than once.
- Growth hackers look for a yes at every turn. The meeting troll thinks his job is to find the no.
- The meeting troll never eagerly calls a project meeting, nor does he bring refreshments, volunteer to organize follow up or encourage others to push their ideas even further. He’s eager, though, to host the post mortem.
- One particularly noxious type of meeting troll says not a thing at the meeting. He uses body language and eye rolling to great advantage, though, and you can be sure that there will be quiet one-on-one undermining going on as soon as the meeting is over. The modern evolution of this is the instant messaging of snide remarks during the meeting.
- The meeting troll has a perfect memory for previous failures and complete amnesia when it comes to things that have worked.
- Analogies, particularly to vivid flameouts (regardless of how rare or irrelevant) is the easy tool for the amateur troll. He’s also good at equating your desire to deal with negative change with the assertion that you somehow caused or were in favor of that negative change.
- Open-ended questions that merely hint at failure are sufficient for the experienced troll. He knows that he doesn’t have to kill the new project for it to die. He just has to stir up sufficient unease.
- The meeting troll is afraid, not merely evil. Change is a threat, and trolling is his well-intentioned but erroneous response to the threat of change.
You don’t have to pander
Merely giving the people what they want is a shortcut to banality, mediocrity and invisibility.
The agency that gives its clients exactly what they think they want never deserves to win Agency of the Year, and worse, is rarely seen as the leader in the field, the trusted advisor that is smart enough to know what the client ought to want instead. They certainly can’t charge more or hire better team members.
I’m defining pandering as using your perception of your customer’s wishes as an excuse to do work you’re not proud of.
The public radio station that puts on empty, sensationalist coverage of the current crisis-of-the-year is chasing others down the rabbithole, a chase it can’t (and doesn’t want to) win. [The excuse is always the same—it’s what the listeners want!]
The bookstore that gives customers toys, games and other junk to survive won’t long be able to call itself a bookstore.
The restaurant that eagerly serves kids salty, fatty, tasteless junk food because that’s all they will eat is inevitably training an entire generation not to eat at restaurants when they grow up.
The architect who proclaims that times are tough and ends up doing nothing but ticky tacky work because it’s easy to sell gets the clients he deserves.
The copywriter/editor who trades in meaning for lists, using calculated SEO keyword loading and sensationalism designed to attract the drive-by audience, earns the privilege of doing it again and again, forever.
The reason you don’t have to pander is that you’re not in a hurry and you don’t need everyone to embrace you and your work. When you focus on the weird, passionate, interesting segment of the audience, you can do extraordinary work for a few (and watch it spread) instead of starting from a place of average.
Go ahead and make something for the elites. Not the elites of class or wealth, but the elites of curiosity, passion and taste. Every great thing ever created was created by and for this group.
There’s a surprisingly large amount of room at the this end of the market–among those that care enough about what they do to say no, and better yet, to teach the market why they’re right.
They earn their niche at the top of the market by leading, not pandering.