Here’s the next song in a running (for now) channel from my blog of several videos of what I think are my best songs. Many of you know that I have played guitar and written songs for about two decades now; others of you may not know that I have had the fun opportunity in producing six CDs. I think some of the songs are very good, others not so much. Different songs are liked by others, again…others not so much. 🙂 I wanted to share some of the best with everyone in some very low-budget videos.
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This song, written in 2007, was inspired by one of my spiritual heroes, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you ever wanted to see a modern example of the challenge of “putting one’s faith on the line,” Bonhoeffer’s story is the one to read. His writing, The Cost of Discipleship, remains one of the most influential books in my life. As you may know, he was an active member of the German opposition to Adolf Hitler. By 1937-38, it was clear to Bonhoeffer that Hitler’s leadership was not going to end well, and he actually had a chance to find refuge in the USA. However, he chose to return to Germany to attempt to live out his faith, and be a leader in those opposing the direction of Hitler. From 1939-1943, he was part of the active opposition seeking a way to eliminate, possibly even kill, Hitler. In 1943, Bonhoeffer was arrested, eventually to be executed in 1945, a mere weeks before Hitler’s own death and the end of WW2.
In 1944, he was at his lowest ebb when he penned the very deep, mellow yet determined poem “Who Am I?” I first read this poem in the book celebrating his memoirs and letters, entitled “Letters & Papers from Prison.” Later, around 2006, I stumbled across the documentary “Bonhoeffer” put out by “First Run Features” in which they play an actor’s reading of the poem. You can find this documentary here. It is excellent and I use it in my history classes every term that I teach on World War 2.
I wrote this song for my band, Anodyne, in 2007 as it reflected some of how I feel in my own faith journey. At times, there are some who look up to me, and perhaps think of me in spiritually heroic terms. I, though, know all too well my own sins and depths of discouragement as I go through my life. As Bonhoeffer wrote, I am “bedeviled by anxiety” and usually “fearfully powerless” over events in my life. But, like Bonhoeffer, I am try to walk with the knowledge that even as I confront “these lonely questions” that “mock me deep inside my soul,” I remain certain that I am God’s man.
I hope you enjoy it.