Today, June 2, is the start of my church’s annual retreat. We had our first retreat in August of 2000, and so for the past sixteen years, I have led a small group of committed Christians away from the noise of the regular and into the silence of retreat. The group has ebbed and flowed over the years, but a constant has been a commitment to one another of those who choose to attend and run with us.
“Run with us” is a phrase I’ve used for years to describe the concept of walking longterm in community together. We don’t have membership in my church. You can’t join. No one owns you or has your “card” or “name on a list.” You just choose to run with us for as long as God leads you.
Being together at retreat is one of the most rewarding times of the year for those who are a part of our ministry. Some even fly back in to spend the time with us, even years after God moved them away from Central Florida. But as good as it is, the retreat is not the full expression of community. It can’t be. It’s far too short.
See, when you talk to some people asking about experiences of community, they will often mention short term retreats as their example. That’s true for at least two reasons: one, today in 2016 the idea of community is largely a lost relic from some ancient age, and two, its easiest to generate the feelings and experiences of community in the short term. To say that another way, it’s very hard to sustain a real relationship of community for the long term. One person noted that for many today, they want community on their own terms.
People do want to be connected…but only loosely…and not encumbered.
That’s a good word for real community…to be encumbered. Webster’s defines that word as to be restricted or burdened. Community does this…giving ourselves to others should restrict us or burden us. This is what the Bible describes as dealing with “one another.” Community, done well, is invasive and calls us to walk together in the long term, dealing with the regular challenges of humans getting along together, living life together well.
It’s hard. It can be a burden. And as we practice things like hospitality or truth-telling, we are actually restricted. I mean, if I open my dinner table, my home, to others, then I can’t spend that money on myself or I can’t watch the TV show I was planning to enjoy. I have to actually set myself aside and invest in the life of another.
I think it was the hard nature of long-term relationship that ultimately harmed the friendship of JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis. While, for Lewis, they parted as friends, Tolkien didn’t see it that way. A variety of things caused friction in the latter years before Lewis’ death in 1963, perhaps most notably Lewis’ marriage. Deep relationships are hard enough for two people, let alone for a larger group.
Still, the need we have for one another is so deep, and the benefit of community so necessary, I urge you to practice it. Maybe you don’t even know where to start. Try by putting some simple practices in place such as hospitality. Of course, you have to actually go to a place where you have other humans with whom you interact. And there must be intentionality about the issue. If you go to a location with other humans and declare this if your community, but they don’t see it that way…if they won’t also call what you do a gathering and that you and they and others are in community together (bowling, knitting, painting, gaming, book club, church group, something)…then you are only fooling yourself.
Once you have the group of people, though, put some practices in place. Earlier in May, I wrote about four deep practices you could begin to emphasize. If nothing else, start by being concerned with others in the group…not just the few with whom you have natural affinity. And determine to invest in these others for the long haul…for months, for years.
In the end, realize that good intentions are not enough. Simply hoping that community will flourish around you in some group you have joined will end negatively. At best the group will simply ebb away; at worst some of the most negative human foibles will appear. You have to put in the time, cultivate good practices, protect the entire enterprise, and care deeply.
But, as I pack to leave now for retreat, I can promise you it’s so worth it! And hey, if you are in the Central Florida area and you are looking for such a community, then I invite you to come run with us.