Still watching the country wrestle with itself, and I’m convinced that many people don’t realize the difference between coercion and persuasion. This is a vital distinction you should know if you want to Live Well, let alone if you want to actually get people to see your side of an issue.
See, right now, there are many people with strong opinions about various issues…the election, who should be in the college football final four, when its okay to start playing Christmas music. You believe something on these or other issues. You believe it deeply. It matters to you. Greatly! Your belief colors how you view the world, creating a “worldview” for how you live your life. When you see others dismiss what you believe or even, from your point of view, work AGAINST what you believe, it makes you upset.
You act then in your upset-ness. That never works. You want to get people on your side by being angry, yelling or demonstrating. No one comes to believe as you do because you block the road, you burn someone’s house down, you yell loudly, or you call someone harsh, derogatory or slanderous terms. You are attempting to coerce others to believe as you do.
What is Coercion? Well, according to Merriam-Webster, that is connected to the act or power of coercing. OK…so that’s not helpful, is it? 🙂 So, to Coerce?
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: to make (someone) do something by using force or threats
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: to get (something) by using force or threats
I think I understand your tension. See, I believe something too about a variety of issues (including when to start playing Christmas music, and trust me it is only AFTER Thanksgiving, not before). I believe these things deeply. They matter deeply to me. My belief colors how I view the world, creating a “worldview” for how you live your life. But I know that many do not believe as I do, and what I must do then is persuade them…not coerce them.
Back to Merriam-Webster:
Persuasion–the act of causing people to do or believe something : the act or activity of persuading people. Well, that’s better than what they did with coercion, but we still need to go deeper. The root word is, obviously, persuade, so….
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: to cause (someone) to do something by asking, arguing, or giving reasons
Guess what is an antonym of each other? Yep.
See, simply because you and I believe something deeply does not mean we are right. You must first, to get to the world that you want to see, be willing to admit that you might be wrong. Or, at least that might not see the whole picture.
Then secondly, you must acknowledge that there are many others who will deeply disagree with you. They aren’t dumb, losers, racists, hateful or any other negative word. They are instead humans who have built or arrived at their own worldview or belief. You cannot change their mind through coercion.
Instead, as the definition says, you need to be curious, ask questions, and then give reasons for why you think your position is right. But that is a conversation, a discussion between two humans…not one human and a demon.
Today, in the hallway of my college, one of my peers immediately went to harsh terms to describe someone. It was a definitive statement, not one of openness to other possibilities. I wasn’t surprised. The lines have been so deeply drawn that I really don’t see us emerging from this unscathed.
Mike Rowe, who I really like, said this about the dust-up over the play Hamilton: “Hamilton is already a love letter to diversity. It’s a very persuasive homage to inclusiveness, individuality, and many other things that make America a place worth immigrating to. The play delivers that message to everyone – including people who may have voted for Trump and Pence. But the cast – speaking out as they did – failed to make the play more persuasive; they simply made it more personal. More partisan. Smaller. The cast forgot that the play is the thing! By sharing their personal feelings with paying customers, they turned a play into a polemic. And polemics are the most unpersuasive things of all.”
Polemic: a strong written or spoken attack against someone else’s opinions, beliefs, practices, etc.
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polemics : the art or practice of using language to defend or harshly criticize something or someone
Rowe went on, adding “As for Trump’s return tweet, I think he’s also mistaken. The theater should not be a “safe place for everyone.” If you want a safe place, go to Yale. Or Rutgers. Or Brown. Whatever else our universities are becoming, our theaters should continue to be a place that challenges us. A place that makes us think. A place that makes us occasionally uncomfortable. That’s what a good play can do.”
That uncomfortableness is an aspect of being persuaded. To realize that perhaps some of what I believe is incorrect or unfair or exclusionary (even if you don’t mean it to be). It’s okay to be uncomfortable. It’s not okay to stridently try to coerce another, let alone demonize those with whom you disagree.