How many times have you heard someone claiming that they “can’t do” something? Me too…all the time. It seems we have become a nation of “can’t do” people rather than can do.
These are victim words. What I mean is this….when we say we can’t do something, often we are dodging work that we should do, but would prefer not to. In other words, “can’t do X” really means “I choose not to do X.” I will hear this from students all the time. We’ll have a paper or work to turn in on a certain date and they’ll say “oh, I can’t do that” or “I couldn’t get that done.” Those are victim words.
What they really mean upon scrutiny is that they got tied up into other things. Sometimes those “other things” are noble…perhaps having to work at their job or maybe helping another person. Sometime the “other thing” is more simple like they spent time going to the grocery store and then wanted to watch TV and then spent time on social media and finally had a friend come over. All fine things; nothing evil or untoward. Yet, at the end of the day, the work that was necessary wasn’t done.
Rather than taking ownership of the actions….rather than saying “yep, I just chose to not do that work” or “sure, I chose to do this other thing”….they play the victim. It wasn’t their fault; they shouldn’t suffer any penalty. “I could not get it finished.”
Oh the excuses grow and grow….the Internet was down or the other classes piled up or there was an illness or their transportation broke down. Rather than being the adult, they dodge.
This has become something of an epidemic in our country. This “can’t do it” spirit seems more widespread than I remember from my days as a child in the 70s or what I hear from my parents as children in the 50s. We used to be a nation that claimed our responsibilities and then owned up to any consequences for failed actions.
A few weeks ago, at the College, I was speaking with a peer who made this same observation. This person said “I get so frustrated hearing people say ‘we can’t do that’ when they really mean it will be hard to do it.” This was a reference to a situation in our work where some people are seeing a hard task ahead of the College, one fraught with challenges, and instead of dealing with those challenges, others claim the victim words of “oh, we can’t do that.”
As my peer said, yes you could do that, but it might be hard. It might be costly. Instead of taking an easy path, you might have to give up sleep. You might have to miss a TV episode. You might have to balance the budget some other way.
So, as you go forward in your work, perhaps starting a new semester of classes, determine now to be a “can do” person. Or, at the very least, be honest in your estimation on an issue. Don’t run immediately to a “oh, we can’t do that” in your assessment, but instead put the issues on the table. Looking deeply at the reasons around an issue will allow you to truly determine your next step.
Above all else, don’t play the victim. Own your actions and your choices….its the far better plan and will win you respect from others.