“$1.50 for a piece of bread?!?!?!? You have got to be kidding!”
No, the waitress assured me, while giving me the “angry eyes” of someone who can’t quite understand why the person in front of them (in this case, me) is so dense. This frustrating exchange took place back in 2009 while I was on that anniversary trip with my wife. We were new into Vienna on the back-half of our trip. We had already had two or three frustrating experiences as I told you already.
Our communication was further hampered by my inability to speak German and her inability to speak English. After some heated “back and forthing,” with arm gestures, she finally begrudgingly gave me back a few Euros for the bread that we didn’t eat. She walked away muttering, and, I’m sure, convinced that we Americans indeed were the most hateful people on the planet. I walked away convinced that Austrians were rude and disrespectful to visitors and tourists.
Can you tell that from a business point of view, she lost. And, from a relationship point of view, we both lost. What happened? How can you avoid this same fate in your day-to-day dealings? Well, let me give you a bit more background.
As I have written earlier, our trip to Europe was super, but challenging. Vienna was harder than Prague, made worse by our poor expectations. So, on this day, we arrived at the outdoor seating for the restaurant after a long day of searching for sites that were hard to find or, often, closed for holiday. By the time we got there, we were behind schedule, hot, tired and hungry.
As we sat eating, the waitress brought a basket of bread. Now, for everyone who lives in the USA, you know how this works. Bread is a part of the deal and you can eat whatever is brought to you. So, we got our food, enjoyed the ambiance and mostly good food. When she started to clear the table, she also took the breadbasket. We decided to grab another piece, mostly to have as snacking food while on the move; plus, we assumed, it was there for the taking.
She responded somewhat irritated, asking in her broken English if we wanted the whole basket. Kim just said we wanted to eat some more, but somehow, in the translation of it all, the waitress assumed we were going to keep the whole thing. When she brought the bill, to my surprise, there was a very large charge that I couldn’t quite decipher. So, I went to ask her about it.
Here is where the poor customer service started and here’s the lesson to learn. Instead of taking the time to 1) recognize you are dealing with a new customer who obviously doesn’t know “the rules” and then 2) politely explaining the store policy in a language and words that the customer can understand, she fussed at me. Rather than acknowledging that I clearly didn’t get it (I mean, I was a tourist and she was working in a tourist town and location; you’d think they would put all these “hidden rules” in language that tourists couldn’t miss), she got angry.
As I tried to keep my cool, I finally realized that her restaurant charged the equivalent of $1.50 for a piece of bread. So our request to keep the breadbasket on the table meant, to her, charging us for the entire basket of bread, which included about 7 or 8 pieces of bread.
I finally was able to show her that we didn’t even eat some of the bread, and that was when she begrudgingly gave me back some money. And, like I said, she walked away upset.
When we assume people just “get it” or “know the rules,” we err. Instead, as we deal with others, whether in work, school or life, taking time to communicate effectively means taking time to ensure everyone knows the definitions, rules and concepts of our assumptions. I’ve spent the last year or so coming to grips with a new term in this regard—that we must press for “Clear Definitions.” What I have found is that often we know the word being used, or the concept being expressed (bread on the table wasn’t strange to me), but we FAIL to realize that the “other” has a different definition for the word, thing or idea. If we don’t actually stop to first bring out the definitions, then we will often find ourselves into frustrating events simply because we think the other person has broken some rule or betrayed an idea inherent in a word as I define it.
At Valencia, we attempt to incorporate a system known as “Start Right” which means that from the very first second of the very first day, real learning is taking place. One way to really help the semester start right, especially since most terms, I will again start with at least 80% new students (new to me, at least), is to ensure I make sure the students know how I define certain words, what my “unspoken” rules are, put things clearly in writing and try to listen very well.
This is critical because some of those students will have been at VCC before now, so they also will arrive having experience other professors. All of the students will have previous learning experiences that will color what they assume. If the students or I choose to act as if “they/he just gets it,” we will most likely find ourselves in challenging situations like my Vienna story. Hopefully, neither the students nor I will walk away upset, thinking the other is a bad person.
I know communication is hard and challenging, but it is not worth ruining a business deal, let alone a personal friendship, due to laziness or not presenting clear expectations and information. As you continue in this New Year, make it your job to communicate clearly.