A few weeks back, the Orlando Sentinel reported the sad story of an elderly mother and her aging daughter who were discovered dead in their Central Florida home. They were sadly discovered deceased in February of 2013, but were last seen alive in August of 2012. Obviously the tragedy is the loss of life, but the sad story becomes instructive on one of my core principles for living well. We were created to be in relationships. Community is core for success.
The death of these two ladies is a tragedy, but I think one of the core questions is “where was everyone else important in their lives? Where was their community?
I’ve written about this many times here, long believing that one of the biggest challenges of our country is the death of community. Perhaps this is not as new of a problem as I believe, but Professor Robert Putnam makes the powerful case that it is new, and the problem is critical. 
I’ve written about this many times before here invoking hand cranking ice cream and the need for trust in community. This is not, though, just an issue about modern times. I recently just finished teaching about colonization in my early American history class. Once again, I had the students reading the Mayflower Compact and Puritan pastor Jonathan Winthrop’s sermon from the time of Puritan founding. There, and in Jamestown, a core principle emerged that if the colonists were going to be successful, then that success would only come as they work as a community together.
There’s another lesson, though, from the tragedy here in Central Florida. The article reported that members of her family, and to a lesser degree, neighbors reached out in the latter months when the women were still out and about. According to one family member, “She [the deceased daughter] let us know in no uncertain terms that if she needed our help, she would ask for it.” Sociologist Monika Ardelt, says in the article that, “In some ways, it’s a consequence of an individualistic society.”
The ladies, particularly the younger daughter, pulled away into isolation. They cut off the community. I think this fact has been the hardest lesson I have learned over the past 15 years of leading Numinous, the small church and ministry that my wife and I started back in 1998. Right at the moment when depth of relationship is building, allowing for the deep strands of connection that would help protect from this tragic ending, people withdraw. They cease to answer emails or cease to come to community gatherings. They just pull away.
Sadly, at some points, that same person will complain that “there is no community here” and yet their actions contribute to that feeling, rather than solving. Putnam’s research speaks to this, that with more TV, more mobility and perhaps even more access to financial support through credit cards, we believe even more deeply that we “don’t need anyone.” Worse, I think, culture seems to suggest that if you openly look for help or connection, particularly as it relates to money, there is something wrong with you. In other words, we should face our issues and problems alone, rather than together.
These two lives didn’t need to end this way. They should have had ties into some group or organization who would miss them, places where they would have friendships that would not only seek for them, but for whom personally the women would not want to break or dissolve. The Bible urges Christians to “be devoted to one another.” Simply stated, one is not devoted when you pull away from the group and break the bonds that tie us together.
Maybe as you examine your life, you have a wonderful network of relationships, through various communities where you are known and you know others deeply. Well done….cherish that because you are in the minority. However, perhaps you may think, upon reflection, that you really don’t have that tie. Oh sure, you may have a good friend or two…that is not the point here. A community is not contained singularly of just “my friends.” The entire point of a community, of any type, is that I am engaged with a variety of people who may NOT have become my friend in any other circumstances, but in the trappings of my community, this person becomes connected to me and I to them.
Why not, today, if you realize your community is weak, think about hobbies or activities that you enjoy and consider a group to join. You can find several lists online, whether through an organization like Meet-up or by just looking in your local paper (here’s Orlando’s listing site from the Sentinel). Or maybe this week its time to visit your nearest church? Or on Monday, show up at your neighborhood school where you kids go to volunteer for the class.
You were created to be in community, to know others and to be known. Reach out to others, get involved in groups around you, and cherish the people within (even the prickly ones). No one should die in isolation.