Last week, the journey of the USA in the World Cup came to an end. Today, we are down to just 4 teams left. It was interesting while avidly following the team how many of us reacted during the cup. 
Two moments really stood out to me as the USA journey rolled along, both leaving me more aware than ever how everyone is really in the same boat, but often we act like our pain is unique.
Do you remember the US-Portugal match? It was a big show down including one of the world’s top players, Cristiano Ronaldo. The USA came in riding the excitement of having beaten their demises Ghana. Portugal scored first, but the USA came roaring back in the second half, taking a 2-1 lead with less than 10 minutes in the match. The team had held the superstar in check the entire night and as the seconds ticked away, the USA was doing a great job in killing the clock. But then, as often happens, there was a turnover, the Portugal players pounced and then passed off quickly to Ronaldo. He quickly dribbled down field with mere seconds left in the match and then made the kind of pass that only the amazing make. Sadly for the USA, the pass was true and a teammate headed in the pass for a tying score. It was a deflating moment for the team and everyone watching. The tie felt like a loss. There was even a greater sense of disappointment because had the USA held on, they would have advanced out of the group, the toughest group at the World Cup. Now, they had to wait till the last matches.
On the radio and TV, everyone grumbled. There was complaining and concern. Some thought the way soccer handles the clock, especially “stoppage time.” Others were furious at how a few players, including one of our supposedly best players, Michael Bradley had handled the last moment. Others blamed our defensive players, the back four teammates, a group that the experts had maligned often. The frustration would not cease until the following game and the USA had navigated through, even though we lost to Germany 1-0.
The second moment that really stood out came during the following match with Belgium. Now the games could not end in ties, so soccer would go into 30 extra minutes if there was no winner. If still tied, then at the end of that, the game goes into a shoot-out…a high stakes showdown between the top 5 shooters of each team against the opposing goaltender. Belgium was clearly the better team, but the USA stood strong through the match and had a few chances. STill, at the end of regulation time, it was still tied 0-0. Then came stoppage time and towards the very end of that, we had a slight breakaway moment where we made a few passes and the ball fell at the feet of one of our shooters, Chris Wondolowski. He is one of the best scorers in our national league, MLS and while playing for the national team, Chris had scored several times during the games leading up to the World Cup. So here he was, with only seconds to go, and the ball at his feet about 4 feet from goal. And….he blew the shot. Into the 30 minutes of extra time and sadly for the US, we were behind at the end of that 2-1.
Again, on the radio and TV, everyone grumbled. Frustration was mingled with sadness (and some admiration for our amazing goaltender Tim Howard). There had been a few other chances to score during the extra time, all had been missed or turned away. Mostly, though, the thoughts drifted back to the easy shot that Wondolowski had missed. Pain was clear on many faces and certainly in the writing found online. I had been quite invested in the team and was so bummed. I kept thinking about that simple chip shot…I kept telling myself that it probably wasn’t as easy as it looked, but…sigh…I was sad and could just think about how close we came.
And yet….
It is so easy to feel as if the pain you are experiencing is yours and yours alone. We grow somewhat narcissistic thinking only in personally focused terms. Why did this happen to me? We were so unlucky! I got screwed! We should have won. The same thing happens in our mind when we get a flat tire or have a bad experience at work. We start to think that everyone surely is out to get us. In that moment, a key insight is missed.
The same thing, along with the same feelings, happens to everyone one else.
Let’s go back to the World Cup. If you looked at the many other matches that happened in the group stage, many games were turned or impacted by last minute goals. In fact, the USA had done almost the same thing to Ghana that Portugal did to us. We scored the winning goal with only four minutes remaining. We did the same thing during qualifying, beating Panama during that same extra time. Because we did, that kicked them out of the World Cup and allowed Mexico into the tournament, even though they had played very poorly over the year.
Match after match, especially in the Round of 16, saw last minute shots that ended the chances of the losing teams. Just like the USA against Portugal, those losses hurt, but the point being that we are not the only ones to suffer such a feeling. Every sport has that…I mean, as an Auburn alum, we suffered through the same thing back in January when FSU scored in the last seconds just like this. It happens.
And in every sport, often in life, a great opportunity comes and you flub it. Even when you are skilled at the task, just like Chris Wondolowski is at scoring goals….sometimes you miss. When the chance comes and you miss, well that hurts, but part of learning to pick yourself back up is to remember that you aren’t the only one to have suffered that fate.
Teddy Roosevelt hit on this in his famous “Man in the Arena” speech. Remember it? He focuses not on how great it is to win nor how rare it is to fail, but rather that life is about dealing with failure, that the “credit belongs to the man in the arena …who strives valiantly but errs and comes short….who fails while daring greatly.” This, instead of being merely the person who points out the stumbling or who criticizes the one who tried and came short.
You are not alone in the pain when you try and fail, when you suffer a frustration. Others have the same pain. The World Cup will only end with one victor…all others will feel that same pain of loss, perhaps a loss emerging at the very end of the match or due to a chance missed. You can’t spend your life looking with bitterness on those facts, but instead take solace knowing you are not alone. And then, though weary, sad or disappointed, pick yourself back up and re-enter the arena.