So wrote the author Charles Williams, a friend of C.S. Lewis. I perhaps should have simply included his following quote on one of my “Wednesday History Note” postings, but since I figured most people do not know of Charles Williams…it would be too obscure to reach you. But after my post last week about the dinner table, I thought I would bring yet another point to the discussion about how to have a successful life.
That is my hope here…that most of my posts ultimately are an aid to you seeking to Live Well, to have Success for Life. Civility, the point of the dinner table discussion, certainly is a key to living well, to carving out a life of success. And my point then was that by the breaking of bread together, you and your children, learn how to be civil in a pluralistic society.
So too, then, the value of time spent together with others in whom you can chat, debate, argue, laugh and ponder. Williams quote in the title speaks of a time early in his adult life, a group of friends with whom he would go for discussions, and even argumentation, debate, in long walks around London. Well, during World War II, Williams had to move from London and soon found himself swept up into the academic life of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien.
Together, Lewis and Tolkien had also created a society of friends who met for discussion and debate. They called themselves The Inklings. Williams and Lewis had met before the war and enjoyed a pen-pal relationship; once Williams was in Oxford, Lewis invited him into the weekly gathering of The Inklings. Later, in one of his writings, Williams would describe the power of such a gathering of friends this way:
Much was possible to a man in solitude, but some things were possible only to a man in companionship, and of these the most important was balance. No mind was so good that it did not need another mind to counter and equal it, and to save it from conceit and bigotry and folly.
Williams is on the same tack as Jone Donne and his famous “no man is an island.” Now writing 300+ years after Donne, Williams is pointing out the strength that comes from shared intimacy of friends. I would point out that Williams is certain about the need for same sex friends…thus, as a man, he means it when he speaks about the man in companionship. I think the same is true for women…that they too benefit more from being “Women Splendid Among Women.” Sure, there can be deep and beneficial friendships between two people of the opposite sex…I have had the honor of some strong friendships just like that, including a few currently. But there is something good about the same sex friendship where the minds can challenge one another.
The Bible calls is “iron sharpening iron.” It’s a good metaphor. Keeping the mind sharp is a key aspect, but as Williams notes, it’s not the only point. Keeping the mind FROM conceit, bigotry and folly…that’s critical too. You want a life of success? Want to know how to walk civil in a pluralistic world, especially in an uncivil pluralistic world? Have a close gathering of same sex friends with whom you can be free and candid in your interactions.