What we are missing?
A student came by my office last semester. Up to this point in the semester, we’ve had something like 16 days in class. This person had missed 4 days, not turned in some of the required graded work and come unprepared to class for another 6 or 7, so over half of the semester had been a loss for this person. Finally, at this late date, the reality had come clear. “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?” “Yes,” I replied, knowing that unless the student decided to make a significant life change, there was no way to pass the class.
Short version? I gently helped this person see that a withdrawal was a better option than failing.
The interesting part? It seemed very clear that only at this late date had the idea emerged in their head that coming to class was a good option. And, even as we talked, it was very clear that this person assumed that I would just “fix it” for them. The reality that their choices could have (and did) cost them the class seemed out of reach. It was not a pretty conversation, at least in their opinion of me that I would not simply fix their problem.
Later that day I was speaking with a friend in my church. He’s about my age and was lamenting what, to him, seems like serious changes in our country. I agree with his general assessment, though I see things more dire. We aren’t in trouble; we’re already over the cliff.
Now, realize, there is a LOT that is still right with our country and I do think we can build on these positive things. Yet nonetheless my exchange with my student seemed a perfect picture of all that is wrong.
What we are missing is any ability for most people to understand there are choices to be made. What I mean is this–less than 2 decades ago, my student would have known that the choice was between fulfilling the responsibility for the class (a responsibility basically to himself, mind you—there is nothing owed to me the professor) or CHOOSING to blow off class. But, we’ve spent the past 2-3 decades teaching that there is no such responsibility, there is no choice. The responsibility of attending or completing work now is only the problem of the professor perhaps, or maybe the school, but not the student. In other words, for this student, my conversation with them was eye-opening. A light went on and for the first time they saw that a choice HAD BEEN made already, and that poor choice of theirs was going to cost them the semester—wasted time and wasted money.
I see this same sense of a loss of seeing the options in all kinds of areas. Take, for instance, the area of honesty or academic integrity or journalistic integrity. Almost always when I approach a student about material that has been plagiarized, “cut and pasted,” they give no indication at all that they understood that they had made a choice to cheat. In other words, for the past 2-3 decades, from the highest levels of our lives and the most powerful, what we’ve taught is that to lie is almost always the accepted behavior, is normal. By doing this, we’ve robbed people of the concept of choosing honesty over truth. It’s as if, when presented with the idea of being honest, of doing their own work in their own voice, it is a foreign concept to them. In our society, then, lying and the acceptance of lying is at an all time high.
Or, consider the area of purity, not just avoiding “sex before marriage” but in all forms and areas. Again, 2-3 decades ago, certainly students engaged in sex often, but they did so with a clear understanding that they were choosing to go against the norm. Were they to get pregnant, serious consequences would follow. Today? Today, the mere mention of chastity and purity is again to raise an almost foreign concept. What has happened is that society has allowed free sex with the appearance of no consequences to be the norm. In doing so, the other choice of purity is not merely ignored. It is unknown.
What happens to a society in the throes of this kind of change to our foundational understanding that choices are made, is destruction. Before long, all concepts of choice from a moral voice are gone. People can’t be honest because no one knows what honest is; the norm has become to lie. People won’t work hard because no one knows what diligent effort is; the norm, especially in school, has become to have everything spoon-fed. As an aside, this is to the point that if a professor doesn’t offer a study guide, that professor is “mean” or “unfair.” People won’t obey authority because thwarting authority has become the norm. Its not that they choose internally “I will not obey authority.” Rather, the only thought is “of course I will do as I choose because there is no authority I must obey.”
It is often said that it only takes one generation to change a society. It probably takes 2, but we are already there. We can however work to re-claim the society of our founders, the people of America that worked for 150 years to build a certain society. I must honest with you though and point out the odds are against us unless there is a consistent effort to go there. That effort, if it is to be successful, must start with each of us individually. Remind yourself that there is a choice involved.
Maybe next time you won’t wake up to an outcome from a very poor series of choices that leaves you deeply in trouble.