In my years as a pastor, I have had the honor of working with parents of children of all ages. I spent many years working with teens and it was there that I first saw the challenge, the incredible hard work required, to parent. As I have spent the past 18 years raising my daughters, the clear understanding was evident that raising a godly teen started back at birth. And, well, it’s a lot of hard work with no days off. That’s a lot of pressure; thankfully, we serve a God of grace who helps us when we fail. And, as a parent, I think that as long as I admit the weaknesses, He can overcome my failures (of which there have been several).
At the same time, God takes raising the next generation very seriously. This idea was emphasized to me recently as I spent time studying material for a current Bible study the church is working through. In one of the history books from the Old Testament, I Samuel, in chapter three, we read the story of a young boy, Samuel, who had been dedicated to the Lord. We are told that the Lord had spoken only rarely since in the previous years (v. 1), perhaps because the leading spiritual people were in deep sin themselves.
The story is perhaps familiar to some due to the initial exchange were we see the young boy confused to actually be hearing God’s voice. That wasn’t the part that really grabbed my attention. Slid on past the first 9-10 verses to get to the place where God reveals to Samuel His message…and it is harsh. God doesn’t simply say hello or even a “here’s my plan for your life,” but rather a message of judgment to the key spiritual leader, the chief priest of the time at Shiloh (at the moment, Israel’s key spiritual home….Jerusalem was not yet under Israeli control), a man named Eli.
The message is simple—Eli will be judged, and ultimately will die, he and his sons, because God says “the sins of Eli and his sons will never be forgiven by sacrifices or offerings.” Wow….what had he done? Well, according to God, poor parenting. We are told that his sons were not godly men; God says that the sons “are blaspheming God.”
Well now, most modern Americans would say, at worst, the two boys should be punished (note—these “boys” are grown, certainly in their 30s or maybe even their 40s). Sadly, today in 2014, most Americans would suggest the two sons should just be told to stop or maybe simply moved to a different office in the Temple. We seem to have lost the concept of consequences for poor actions—just check out what happens in the government around the country, especially in D.C., or look at the “golden parachutes” that are given out to poor business leaders. To God, though, the punishing of the sons is NOT ENOUGH. In other words, to God, they are not alone in bearing the guilt. He tells Samuel that Eli will also be punished because Eli “hasn’t disciplined [his sons].”
Note, this was not Eli’s first warning. If you go back to chapter two, we read there that earlier a “man of God came to Eli” to warn him that “the time is coming when [God] will put an end to your family.” Eli, from the history we can read, did nothing, or was unable to take a stand against the actions of his sons.
Parenting is a tough job, far harder then most feel and to be honest, after watching the many students who come through my classroom doors, it feels like a majority of people these days should not be parents. The job becomes harder when we fail to understand God’s directions for parents in the proper disciplining of their children.
Check out some of these passages (thanks to my friend Matthew Porter for compiling most of this list):
Proverbs 13:24 (The Message) A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.
Proverbs 19:18 (The Message) Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them.
Proverbs 23:13-14 (The Message) Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won’t kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death.
Proverbs 29:15 and 17 (The Message):
15 Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents.
17 Discipline your children; you’ll be glad you did—they’ll turn out delightful to live with.
Hebrews 12:4-11 (The Message) My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God’s holy best. At the time, discipline isn’t much fun. It always feels like it’s going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.
Hebrews 12:7-11 (NIV) Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
In closing, knowing that God actually did follow through with His punishment on Eli and the sons, you would think this message would have made an impact on Samuel, but it didn’t. If you go to I Samuel 8, we find that years later Samuel has also become a poor parent. Verse three tells us that the sons “were not like their father, for they were greedy for money. They accepted bribes and perverted justice.” We don’t know exactly what happened to the sons (nothing like what was stated about Eli’s sons is mentioned), but we do see that because of Samuel’s boys, the leaders of Israel started to demand a king for a leader, rather than the spiritual leaders like Samuel. That may not sound like a terrible thing, but God did not want that for them, saying “solemnly warn them about how a king will treat them.”
In other words, there was a best plan for them, but due to Samuel’s poor parenting, the people rejected God’s warning. Oh I know, there must have been more than just Samuel’s parenting, but it was the frustration about how his children were acting as judges that led the people into the request away from God’s plan in the first place.
Don’t get lost here….the point is simple. How our children will act as adults is deeply impacted by the foundation laid for them by the parents. Though the parenting is very hard work, it is work that is necessary and no parent should quail or quit at the task. As parents, we can’t ultimately make our adult children do anything (my parents can certainly attest to that), but we can lay a clear foundation of right and wrong for our children. We can determine to use appropriate discipline to help them learn the lessons of how to live well.
This is critical work which must take focus from the parents. It is important. And God is watching. The failure of Eli is a reminder to every parent.