July 8, 2010 at 8:19 am, by Carl

In a word, No! Seriously, this question has been asked many times, both from my students and members of my church. The answer remains the same.


The myth among young adults is that by moving in together actually helps you.  In survey of teens in 2006, 64% of boys and 57% of girls agreed “it is usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married.”  However, the facts show that over 50% of couples that try living together fail, even if children have been born.  2/3rds of such children will see their parents split up and, even if they get married, the divorce rate is HIGHER.  In many respects, for children of couples who merely live together, their experience is worse by nearly every measure.


One reason this is true is because most choose to live together because they think it will be fun or will help financially.  However, that is never a solid basis for a marriage, which is a covenant agreement from which the deepest of commitments is required.  In most cases, the male sees little incentive to see co-habitation as permanent.  If he is also enjoying sexual relations (typically the couple is sexually active), then he has even less incentive to seek marriage.


Worse, down the road, since the couple is living together, it is harder to break up than if they were merely dating.  So, in many cases these men who see the relationship as temporary will drift into a marriage.  Again, this type of commitment cannot be adequately sustained if one partner merely slid into the marriage.


Again, let me be perfectly clear—couples who live together have higher divorce rates.  Marriage is the highest commitment one human can make to another.  It is very hard to make it as we know because how hard it is to have successful relationships (see question #29 in my book, Success for Life).  Don’t make your chances harder by living together.  Give yourselves space to date and then, if need be, to move on.  If you’ve found someone special that you trust, then start moving deeper together in your dating.  If they are the right one, if they have proven themselves trustworthy, if their spiritual beliefs match yours, then move forward with confidence and excitement.  Move forward towards the marriage altar.