September 4, 2014 at 9:14 am, by Carl
Today while at work, I was in the middle of a meeting that was a planning session for some key leaders on a project. In the midst of the work, it became clear that a group of workers had told their different managers varied stories on a issue. As I was listening, to me, part of the issue was a problem of fear.
Yep…fear. You’d think that working a fairly normal city like Orlando in a really secure place like a College, fear would never be an issue. But it is.
For some, confronting their supervisor or even just another person is no big deal. They aren’t belligerent about it, but just confident to have the discussion. There may be open disagreement and they might even lose the chat. That’s happened to me many times. I saw the issue one way, believed a solution lay over there, but my views didn’t win the day. OK, no biggee. Moving on to the next issue.
For others, though, these kinds of interactions are fraught with fear. Rather than just being willing, or able, to speak up directly, there is hedging, dodging, an unwillingness to simply speak to the issue. This is a life or situation ruled by fear.
I do understand the uncomfortableness of negative interaction. I get it that some just wish to have no conflict. Life isn’t like that, and by giving into fear, what happens is actually far worse. Rather than owning the situation, helping lead to a conclusion, the fear to be clear and direct leads to outcomes where the new expectation takes more time from you or demands you give up a level of liberty, of self-direction.
Don’t let this become you. Approach your interactions with the confidence that reminds you that your voice matters. Realize, I do understand that you can take a hit here. My first real exposure to this came long ago when I was 24. I was with a Christian ministry and through a series of events, I had been accused of something that had not actually happened. I was called into a meeting and after a period of time during which I did my best to defend myself, I was left with the distinct impression that my time with this group was over. Later, I asked the top person for a private chat where I was chided for having the temerity to speak so boldly. At that meeting, we parted ways and I realized that, in essence, I had just been let go.
So, you can pay a cost. Perhaps, you might consider that I should have acted more cautiously, hidden my real feelings and simply tried to get along. I disagree. To have done so would have been dishonest to myself and to the situation. To have given in to fear and tried to hide from any potential bad outcome would have set me up to have to then further live a lie. Or worse, my giving in to fear could have given my supervisors the wrong impression about my feelings on this issue, but then privately, with others in confidence, I would have complained, griped and moaned about the events. I would have become a worse cancer to the group, probably causing deep division and dissension, because I refused to speak truth, refused to confront the scary moment.
Say no to fear. Don’t live a life controlled by fear of the unknown, fear of what may happen. Certainly use insight and critical thinking to maneuver your way through life. Go with tact, grace and good will for others. But don’t walk with fear. It’s simply not helpful.
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